By Jason Flinn, Contributing Columnist
We have all heard the expression, “Time heals all wounds.” Like many long running expressions, we assume this is based on a universal truth and don’t question it. When it comes to grief and loss, so much of what we hold to is based on what we were taught, shown or not taught or not shown. The topic of death is rarely brought up or discussed openly, but yet is itself a universal truth for everyone. It will, and has, touched all of our lives in intimate and profound ways. Even from a distance or through the eyes of history it can maintain its profound impact.
I remember my late mother asking me when she was supposed to get over the loss of her husband (my father). Was she taking too long recovering, because she was feeling the same two years on. She was taught that time heals all wounds. I didn’t have an answer for her at the time, only a hug and encouragement. We were both relying on the passing of time to heal our wounds. Since her death in 2020, I have a clearer understanding through grief and loss recovery training what use time has for our healing. Time offers us an opportunity to take clear and specific steps towards healing from the unresolved pain due to a significant loss.
What are these steps? That was the question John W. James, the founder of the Grief Recovery Method, asked over 40 years ago after his son died as a newborn. He and his wife divorced not long after due to the strain of the loss. Over the following months, John went everywhere, talked to everyone, and read everything that he could get his hands on to help ease the pain of losing his son and marriage. From this he discovered there was little or no help available to deal with the grief. That despair led to the creation of The Grief Recovery Method.
The steps to recovery involve a willingness to be completely honest and to be heard without judgement. To move towards completeness takes self-reflection, understanding your history with loss and the courage to look at a loss through the lens of forgiveness, apology and emotional truth. These steps are not easy, but the destination is profound.
Certified Life Coach and Grief Recovery Specialist
Vault Life Coaching
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